Gossip Girl recap: New York, I Love You XOXO (the finale)

So Georgina Sparks is now Blair Waldorf’s aunt. Or should that be Mrs Chuck Bass? After 121 episodes, six long series, nigh on a thousand parties and too many love triangles to count, Gossip Girl is at an end. Josh Schwartz’s series about the privileged and genetically blessed going about their fabulous business on the Upper East Side is now consigned to the dustbin of television history.

Although it never attracted as many viewers as Schwartz’s first outing into the lives of the rich and glamorous – airing as it did at the dawn of the democratisation of illegal television downloading – there’s no denying that Gossip Girl made an impact.

From its two fingers up response to groups concerned about its risqué content – including an advertising campaign based on their criticisms – to the regular tabloid appearances of its young stars, Gossip Girl was more than just a teen soap opera.

Of course, by the end, what started as an unashamedly campy drama that pushed boundaries with its scandalous storylines had become a shadow of its former self. Still, the double-bill finale sent the show – and Gossip Girl HIMself – out with a bang.

First, a few criticisms. Ok, so Serena has maintained her slutty behaviour throughout, identifying new targets as each old week melts into the next, and Nate remains the same loveable dolt, dimpled and clueless. But all the same, between the fourth and fifth series it was as if the scriptwriters decided to start with a blank canvas. Gone was Blair the conniving, tawdry mastermind, the woman for whom no scheme was too big, only to be replaced with a damsel, working at the whim of whichever male rescuer she was being saved by that episode.

Toward the end, she became a parody of her former self, portrayed as a petulant child in her campaign against Nelly Yuki. The old Blair would never have fallen for the wimpy, wearisome prince, nor made a pact with God or allowed duty and responsibility to obstruct her relationship with Chuck.

The old Blair was no shrinking wallflower; she dictated events but never let herself be dictated by them. She did not need saving, ever.

As for Dan, in the first series he was the heart of the story; the innocent, thrown without a hope into a very different world. He was sweet, boyish and sympathetic – you rooted for him to win Serena’s heart, to triumph over the bullies, to be the outsider who was never, to quote his book, seduced by the inside.

Unfortunately, Dan’s undercover adventures on the UES saw him sucked in, until he was just another selfish, vain and airheaded brat. Gossip Girl thrived on the attempts to corrupt the innocent, to sully the virtuous. But by the time his book was printed, he was tainted almost beyond the point of return.

Chuck’s trajectory, on the other hand, was better. Taking him from heartless capitalist to fighter for justice and all-round good egg was a risky move, but the reason it worked was because throughout, he maintained his smirk, his insouciance, his utter contempt for the irrelevant or unfortunate.

Despite the flaws of the final series – Sage, Sage’s dull dad, the vom-worthy Ivy and Rufus fake-romance, Bart’s Sudanese oil dealings – the finale was delicious; an homage to the fans who have stuck it out through thick and very much thin, an ode to all the ridiculous, frothy fun of the XoXo collective.

First, the big question. Who was Gossip Girl?

Unlike Lost, during which audiences were encouraged to play a guessing game from day one, the identity of the mysterious tattle-tale wasn’t oft addressed. The decision to make Kristen Bell the voice of Dan Humphrey’s delusions was frustrating – what about how GG ruined Little J’s life, or incessantly mocked his actions? – but ultimately the best option.

Dan was the ultimate outsider, ever desperate to claw his way into the lives and loves of the Upper East Siders. Only he would have had the access and the ambition to chronicle ever good, bad and downright ugly detail of the gang. Only he wouldn’t think twice about sacrificing his father, sister, romantic interests and best friends on the altar of his quest for popularity and acceptance.

The great reveal wasn’t really that, what with everyone basically just chuckling and rolling their eyes in an “aw, Daa-annn” kind of way when they found out. Never mind how he had at various points paved the way for characters to cheat, be jailed, nearly die, face social ruin and widespread embarrassment.

It was more, darn it gang, why didn’t we figure that out!

But of course, this show has never been about Gossip Girl. It’s been about the girls (and guys) gossiped about. So the finale had to wind up every loose end, with heartwarming flashbacks of Vanessa (hair still dreadful, still not permitted to return to Manhattan), Little J (inevitably, Sage’s idol) and Eric.

No return of Scott, nor stalker Juliette, Hillary – threesome with Dan and Vanessa – Duff, nor Carter. But Michael Bloomberg made a cameo, and there was plenty of Dorota (her survival secret? She’s been downing vodka this whole time). And Bell, and Rachel Bilson, appeared in a marvellous meta movie-of-Gossip-Girl-moment that had more than a little trace of the Dawson’s Creek finale about it.

As for our gang. Ivy got her comeuppance, albeit at the hands of someone only a tad less morally questionable than herself. Lily found herself a new-old husband again, after redoing Bart’s funeral (I’m shocked that she didn’t use it as an excuse to plan another fabulous society soiree!) Sage was dumped (obviously – in the 20 year reunion, Nate will still be picking up random floosies and ditching them after a month, while Chuck advises him of the joys of settling down).

In any case, Archibald has a successful media company (good to know journalism will still be going in five years time) and a possible electoral run to consider. So, in essence, he has become exactly the man his grandfather wanted to be. But with better dimples.

Blair and Chuck (it was never going to be Dan, or Nate, or anyone) found their happy ever after, with a nostalgic wedding starting at the steps of the Met, and spawned a darling mini-Chuck to love and adore (although with Dorota there for the tough parenting).

And Dan and Serena – less beauty and the beast, more arrogance and the dimwit – finally tied the know, five years after they fell back in love (although presumably with myriad splits and hiccups in the meantime).

So that’s it. No more blonde with her boobs out at funerals and other inappropriate times (S), no more smug, dastardly and ever so well-coiffed (Chuck), no more adorably clueless (Nate) and social-climber bordering on stalker (Dan), and no more bitchy, queen of mean, ne-headbanded Queen B. Unless, of course, you fancy rewatching it all from the very beginning?

Gossip Girl recap: High Infidelity

In further proof that Gossip Girl has well and truly departed the realm of the possible for the realm of 21-year-olds running major media companies and untrained socialites designing entire fashion lines, Nelly Yuki returned to Gossip Girl this, week.

Once Blair’s whipping girl, the intellectual but social inept nerd pushed around by Waldorf and her minions, two years at Yale have apparently secured her enough experience and gravitas to spar with the best of them. Supposedly now a reporter for the prestigious Women’s Wear Daily, she is assigned to cover Blair’s new clothing designs.

Only it turns out it’s part of a piece about fashionistas turned uber-designers, with Blair being put up against ponzi-scheming socialite Poppy Lifton, who helpfully reminds us that she was driven out of New York by the Constance girls.

And of course, Poppy’s designs are basically Blair’s; same fabric, same look. Cue minions – useless, comedy minions – being despatched on a mission of sabotage that comes back to haunt Blair only moments later. But at least it’s Blair, back to her old trips, and we are pleasantly free from the character lobotomy that pervaded last series.

In Serena land, the new romance with Mr man of the minute is going sour, after she and Nate spot him, gasp, with another woman, Not kissing her, nothing inappropriate. Just in the company of. It’s enough to send both Serena and Nate on a spiral of anger and heartbreak, until they discover that their respective paramours are actually father and daughter.

I eagerly anticipate the scene in which Sage – a season six version of a spiteful Little J – learns that her boy toy and her possible stepmother were shtupping not too long ago.

For Chuck, his mission to destroy Bart hits on a hiccup (something to do with Bart, an illicit weekend and a shedload of money). Yawn. I’m all for the return of Bad Bass – no dog walking and soul-searching this series – but if he’s going to go heavy on the surreptitious and underhand methods, I’d rather it be with a worthy rival. Georgina, perhaps.

Georgina, of course, is busy managing Dan’s bright future (of defamation suits and social pariah-ness, if his book is anything to go by). With a serialisation deal with Nate on the go – how handy when your best mate runs a magazine, eh) it looks like the scandalous shit is about to hit the fan.

Although what he could possibly be revealing that hasn’t already been covered by Gossip Girl, I don’t know. She is the omniscient chronicler of the madness and mayhem of the Upper East Side. Humphrey, surely, is just a pretender.

The Carrie Diaries: first look

Josh Schwartz doing what Josh Schwartz does best? We’ll have to wait until spring to find out.

Gossip Girl’s final season is on its way

I have mixed feelings about the imminent ending of my favourite series about spoilt privileged New Yorkers with perfect hair, ludicrously lavish wardrobes and heavily incestuous love-lives. On the one hand – nooo – the end of an era, no more Josh Schwartz snarkiness lighting up my weekly viewing. On the other, the last season has hardly given viewers much cause to stay with it, not least because the inherent (and fabulous) vindictiveness of Blair Waldorf was neglected for a Queen B who moped, sighed and sported not a single headband.

But still, it’s Gossip Girl – the show that brought us the power frozen yoghurt, a social hierachy based on one’s position on the Met steps, the character who inspired the expression “dumb blonde”, Nate’s dimples and Chuck’s Bassness. So, on balance, I’m sad to see it go. But it’s not over yet. The trailer for the final series reminds us of the good old days; here’s hoping this year will offer a repeat of them.

Gossip Girl recap: Salon of the Dead

Serena Van der Woodsen is many things – sister; friend; brother-lover; walking blonde-joke punchline; advert for how not to wear appropriate attire, ever – but she’s not known for being malicious. Or at least, she never has been during Gossip Girl’s colourful history.

But there she was, this week, doing her best to torpedo new it-girl Lola’s burgeoning showbiz career, not to mention ruin a party hosted by her supposed BFF in the whole wide world.

And then she had the nerve to get mad at Lola, for outing the fact the La Fembot is actually Mommy Dearest (and Nate’s former bedroom buddy). And to ask Lola to keep shtum about her Gossiping ways, to avoid her reputation (Ha, as if Serena still has one of those) being tarnished forever.

The problem with Gossip Girl this season is that it has lost sight of who the characters are. Serena works best when she is inadvertently – but never intentionally – stupid and hurtful, when she is caught up in her emotions and blind to the idiocy of her behaviour.

I’d believe it (in the sense that one should never accept anything on Gossip Girl as remotely plausible) if any one of the other girls on this show had opted to wield the laptop of power and hold it hostage from the real Gossip Girl – but not Serena. Blair, Little J, Vanessa all have it in them – they’ve all had a taste of power and enjoyed it. Serena, not so much.

It’s not just Serena, though. The writers seem to have reinvented their characters this year, and while I’m all for the gang growing up (hello, these crazy kids have now reached the grand old milestone of being above the legal drinking age – major maturity!), it’s too much.

Gossip Girl needs to get back to its roots. Blair is a schemer – as an adult her schemes should be more complicated and intricate, and the consequences should be worse – but after months of her kowtowing to Prince not-so-Charming, it’s time for her to regain her place on the steps. So instead of feuding with Dan about Brooklyn’s merits, she should have conspired to have him turn up at the hottest party of the year, trussed up like the escort she wants him to be.

And Nate? It was never plausible to have him in a seat of power, but while it was all part of Grandpa Archibald’s plan, it sorta worked. But why is he still being portrayed as a media mogul? Nate is at his best when having inappropriate flings with older women, getting high while the world around him erupts into crisis or flashing his dimples to get him out of any awkward fix. He should be in a fraternity house right now, engaged in hi-jinks to steal the rival house’s pet hedgehog, or something, not playing Murdoch to La Hurley’s Rebekah.

As for Dan; I never thought I’d say this, but bring back Little J and Vanessa. At least they have identifiable personalities, and at least their hair has the decency to be fake. Without them as a buffer, and a reminder that life is gosh darn tough when you hail from the wrong side of the Brooklyn Bridge, Dan is just another suited and booted piece of arm candy. Let’s have him working as the ice cool undercover reporter he thinks he is and getting into scrapes with devious drug dealers and dastardly crime kingpins, not fawning over a girl who made his life miserable for years and still doesn’t feel bad about it. He’s no longer a rebel and he no longer has a cause – even house-trained Rufus has apparently worked out that that’s not OK.

In fact, the only character who keeps it interesting anymore is Chuck, who delivered one of the greatest lines in Gossip Girl history this week as he slammed his newfound mother for her general awfulness. If he can find a way to publicly humiliate her and seize control of her media empire, all the while wearing an awesome cravat or somesuch, I might forgive some of the crud that has passed for storylines this series.

Gossip Girl’s Pacey and Joey moment

Watching this week’s installment of Gossip Girl (which was so bland that it didn’t warrant a recap), I was struck by how the Blair Dan love drama is reminiscent of another wildly popular and controversial teen soap.

I’m talking, of course, of Dawson’s Creek. Now on the face it, the exploits of the Capeside crew have little in common with those of the glamorous Upper East Siders we so dearly love to Gossip about.

The former were unfashionable, the high school pecking order’s outsiders. They were poor – not in the “I live in Brooklyn” mould of Dan and Jenni, but poor enough to have to waitress and put themselves through college.

They talked in long, luxurious sentences with the vocabulary of the Bard, and their dramas were invariably internal rather than the results of some convoluted plot or scheme.

And yet. When Dawson’s Creek began, the clear premise was that this was a love story about the boy and girl next door. The clue was in the title, this was about Dawson and Joey, about the obstacles they would face – but ultimately surmount – in their quest for happily ever after.

Yet from early on it was clear that the verbal sparring between Pacey – the intended “supporting actor” character – and Joey, was no match for her rapport with Dawson.

When they sailed off into the sunset a few series later, theirs was the romance we were rooting for.

I’m not sure if we’re yet at the cheerleading stage of Blair and Dan, but looking at it now, Dan’s relationship with Serena seems like the prologue.

Blair has always been the more engaging of the two girls, particularly in her days of scheming on the Met steps against the presumptuous Little J – but Serena’s character has barely developed from the flighty, whiny blonde we met at Grand Central. Her romances are fleeting and repetitive, whereas Blair’s are all great loves, marked by tragedy and anguish.

Perhaps that was what the Gossip Girl team was gunning for all along; the other happily ever after, the one you wouldn’t have predicted in the first place. I doubt it, just as I doubt that Pacey and Joey were anything other than a product of the writers seeing good screen chemistry that fans responded to.

But, as Gossip Girl moves to the twilight days of its fifth series (the point when Dawson’s Creek, too, was obviously doomed) it’s interesting to note just how pointless the majority of the supporting cast have become and how vapid the other plot threads are.

Gossip Girl recap: Crazy, Cupid, Love

Charlie Rhodes, meet the girl who has spent the last year pretending to be you, living your life, wearing your dresses, sipping your champers, smooching your men.

Twas Valentine’s Day on Gossip Girl and time for Ivy Dickens to meet her match.

Obviously, this had to happen at a party with everyone in attendance (except for Chuck, who was occupied getting acquainted with Dan’s “desperate single female on Valentine stereotype” literary agent.

Fake Charlie was in town, it emerged, because grandma CeeCee is on her deathbed. While I’d like to think FC has grown to care about her pretend grandmother, it’s a fair assumption that FC has been sitting around with dollar signs on her pupils looking at the will.

Anyway, she bumps into cater water Real Charlie, who is there because Nate has stalked her into working for him. If he wasn’t worth gazillions, the whole “buying off her boss and planning a party just to waitress” thing might be a little creepy, reminiscent of Juliette’s behaviour last season (the good-ish old days of Gossip Girl, before the writers got Kate Middletoned).

But it’s Nate, and she’s blonde, so meh. She’s his shiny toy of the moment. Resistance is futile to the dimpled one.

FC and RC meet and don’t give the game away, but it won’t be long (there’s a Facebook friend request and everything). I’m looking forward to the Carole-Lily showdown that will inevitably take place, particularly given how watered-down Blair and Serena’s latest frenemies tiff was.

The tiff was because, having gone to elaborate lengths (planting fake old marrieds to go “aaaw” at the sibling-lovers) to reunite Serena and Dan, Blair and Dan ended up locking lips in a manner that was decidedly not reminiscent of the high school days they were reliving at Nate’s bribe-a-date do.

Georgina, nasty, Machiavellian  Georgina, has the whole thing on camera, but she’s got more dirt up her sleeves; namely the pre-nup that states Blair will lose everything if the royal romance implodes.

While Georgina’s return has been enjoyable – finally, some actual old-school scheming – she’s sort of sleepwalking through the deviousness.

Let’s hope a tragic divorce is enough to bring back the bitchy Blair of high school days.

Gossip Girl recap: G.G.

So Gossip Girl has turned 100. Congratulations, mazal tov, happy birthday. You look damn good for your age.

Or at least Georgina does, in that final-scene “reveal” showing her as the evil genius behind it all. I don’t buy it, for several reasons, the first being that the producers have said that they are planning at least another series. They’re not going to give away the Gossip Girl  identity before time – that would be like showing us “the Mother” in season three of How I Met Your Mother. No chance.

Likewise, dear old Sparks has been screwed by Gossip Girl in the past. Don’t tell me this was a five-year-long plot twist, and that all those past Georgie-scandals were fake outs. It was wrong on the end of Lost, and it won’t do now.

No, my theory is that since Nate killed the real Gossip Girl, Georgina’s found a devious way to impersonate her. Next week, I reckon we’ll see the real one wreak revenge.

But more importantly, next episode we will see the fall out from the predictable “Blair chose Dan over Chuck” twist. To cut a long wedding story short, she confessed her love to Chuck in the bridal room, it was caught on camera and then broadcast as Blair got close to saying “I Do”. The sap that is Louis the dull bought her apology – or so it seemed – but in a pretty good plot twist it turned out he was going to make his princess live in a loveless marriage so the media didn’t smell scandal.

Because, yeah, that worked so well for Charles and Diana.

A shame it took one of his (presumably) final episodes for the writers to give him anything resembling a backbone.

Anyway, his last dance confession sent Blair bolting into the arms of Dair (who, appropriately, looked more like the chauffeur than the socialite’s latest love interest). Cut disaster when lovestruck (delusional – hello, they are siblings!) Serena finds out. Yay.

Georgina’s return was predictable – so much so that she quipped about the gang’s annual reunion – but underused. Her snarky moments were with Rufus and Lily, not Chuck or Dan. It was always so enjoyable to watch her decimate Dan with a  withering stare.

As for Nate – poor, dateless Nate – ole dimples was quite perturbed to see his childhood sweetheart walk off into the sunset lit palace. At least until he found a new blonde to lust after. Pity that his waitress-from-the-wrong-side-of-the-tracks is actually the real Charlie Rhodes, meaning that he’ll soon be dating his ex girlfriend’s cousin and the woman a more recent ex impersonated for several months.

I can’t wait to see how an intellectual mastermind of Archibald’s stature digests all that information.

It was certainly a blockbuster episode, but it was a little bit lacklustre. Bring back old school Gossip Girl, with real schemes that Blair could be proud of, passive aggressive rivalry with Serena and hardcore mummy issues. Not to mention, why so little Dorota and why no classic Blair put-downs to the minions, dressed up so cutsey-like.

Either way, let’s hope episode 101 sees the return of bolshy bitchy manipulative Blair, instead of sappy bridezilla. Let’s see Dan remember why he hated Blair so much for so long – surely a Vanessa or Jenny cameo could do that? Let’s see Chuck get a storyline that doesn’t involve Blair or a canine, and let’s see Serena get rejected by a guy and have it stick.

Gossip Girl recap: The end of the affair

So Gossip Girl has seen in the new year with a host of deja-vu dalliances with pseudo-siblings, another convoluted plot that makes little sense and a Serena wearing far too many sequins.

At the end of the last episode we were left on a clifferhanger. Would Blair and Chuck survive the story of the princess and the paparazzi? Of course they would.

But Chuck’s near miss is just the excuse Blair needs to place another obstacle on the road to Happily ever after with Chair. She promises him upstairs that she’ll never leave Louis if Chuck survives, then is pretty much screwed when her wish comes true. It’s nice to know that fear of God, rather than passion of even interest in The Most Boring Character Ever (aka the prince).

So it was another scene at Chuck’s, with lots of unrequited love and tortured looks. Given that we know Blair gets to a wedding episode (if not past the vows) it’s clear this saga is going to run and run. It’s a shame. Bring back the bitchy sniping of the Chair of yesteryear.

Meanwhile, over at Nate’s Serious Journalism Job, he and Serena are trying to work out whether to use all the info the erstwhile Gossip Girl tipsters have sent them – Nate having put the kibush on her. Serena’s attack of a conscience isn’t going to last long; she comes to the deep realisation that it’s the misunderstandings about society gossip – not the gossip itself – that cause trouble.

But she shouldn’t worry about being Gossip Girl’s gatekeeper for long. Our trusted friend hasn’t gone very far; in fact she’s still digging up dirt, including the juicy tidbit that the crash car had its breaks tampered with (obv, oldest storyline in the book) and that it was actually booked for Nate. So who is out to get ol’ dimples? Gramps? Juliette? La Hurley? My guess is cousin Tripp, although there’s word that Georgina is back later this season, and murder is totally something she’d be down with.

Meanwhile Gossip Girlers, meet the real Charlie Rhodes who, contrary to my expectations, is not fat, deformed or a bit of a nerd. She’s a Juilliard student, with a wallet-photo-cute relationship with Mommy Dearest. Lily hasn’t figured it out yet, but it’s a matter of time.

And then, in proof that all good teen drama relationships must come full circle, we have the first suggestions of a reunion relationship. Sure, I’m sleeping with my sorta-sibling is the first excuse Serena could think of, but there was a look after that kiss. Given that the writers need to move Dan on from his ridiculous Blair rut (I really miss their sparring and sarcastic jibes. Friendship doesn’t suit them), a blast from the past is more than likely on the cards.
 

Gossip Girl recap: Rhodes to Perdition

So Max finally spills the beans about Ivy / Charlie – and nobody believes him. Which would almost be tragic (seeing as he is, um, totally right about what a deceitful life-stealer she is) if he wasn’t such a thoroughly unpleasant character too.

As the Rhodes girls gather to remember (or not, in CeeCee’s case) the lasdt days of disco (wth enough sequins to light the small country Louis is supposedly in), Carole shows up to complicate matters. As usual, it’s another show of sibling rivalry, trust funds and frightful hairstyles (Serena – seriously? Couldn’t you have gone for Ivy’s sleek ‘do?) but with little substance.

Basically, Carole protects her secret (where exactly is the real Charlie? Dead? A druggie? Or, shock horror, with a job?) and Ivy gets to stay in the Rhodes fortress of untouchability.

Across town, there’s more proof that Blair’s wedding is going to implode, as she and Chuck share yet more meaningful looks and teary glances. He tells her about Harry Winston, they all but confess their mutual love. It’s fairly sickening, but what is worse is that while Chuck’s character has developed for the good, Blair has been reduced to a snivelling wreck. Where’s her scheming, her dictatorial manner, her off-the-cuff bitchy retorts? In fairness, it may well reflect life that Queen Bee rich girls grow up to be dull and listless society wives. But that shouldn’t be Blair’s fate. She’s better than that.

I say bring back Little J or even the dreaded Vanessa, for some much needed Blair-baiting.

Nate, meanwhile, buries a story so he can win grandaddy’s respect. It’s all fairly dull, particularly Tripp’s supposed anguish about Maureen’s affair (Um, remember how easy he got Lewinskyed a few series back?) but I imagine he’s about to have an affair with the slutty reporter who offered him the tip, so that should compromise his yawnsome ethical attitude to life.

As for Dan, it seems the ego never sleeps. In true self-obsessed Humphrey style, he gets all too consumed with his bad new media press (OMG, like, people on Twitter are super mean) only to find it’s bitchy agent Alexandra trying to resuscitate his failing career.

Which she manages, with a little help from that well-respected literary connoisseur, Katy Perry).

All in all, a week episode. It was not funny (with the exception of Serena’s omnoipresent ability to forget just how many “different” dudes she’s dated) and the characters were acting stories they’ve done before.

But there’s hope to come. For one thing, Blair’s baby sityation needs to be resolved (surely she’s not going to spawn a devil child?) and Louis has got to get the boot, once and for all. Plus, CeeCee’s blatantly going to be no more, leaving plenty of secrets and will drama (so that the real Charlie can claim what is rightfully hers) plus the whole Diana history has got to come out. Bring it all on.