Gossip Girl ‘How to succeed in Bassness’

Gossip Girl has always been built on one implausible storyline after the next, but this week the space between Manhattan and reality got whole lot bigger.  It was Halloween, and that meant frightening times on the Upper East Side.

Taylor Momsen, Connor PaoloScariest of all was Jenny, who appeared as a manifestation of every parents Halloween nightmare.  Her Machiavellian rule the school tactics have got her slowly morphing into bride of Frankenstein, hair and all.  The big question with her was ‘in costume or not in costume?’ – blood-red lips, black eyes, electric shock hair, fishnets – and that was just for school.

With mascara as a weapon and teenage hooker as her look, she continued a descent into despotism that would have made Blair proud.  Threatened by coated almonds and a coup from Jonathan (Eric’s boyfriend, keep up) involving him sitting, like, OMG, higher than her on the Met steps, she of course had to plot his absolute destruction.   And so came what will henceforth be known as ‘the great yoghurt incident of 2009’. 

Meanwhile, in a bid to do one up on daddy, Chuck was inexplicably set on opening up a fashionable club but, with impeccable judgement, chose help from Serena over Blair, because apparently there aren’t any other imbecilic blondes in Manhattans publicity business.  Blair is predictably narked, so Serena explains ‘maybe todays not all about you’.  Oh silly Serena.  Don’t you know the world revolves around Blair Waldorf.  It spins around on its axis powered by her bitchy energy. 

For Serena, it’s a big deal, a moment for her to impress her scary fem-bot like boss (much easier to do when you don’t have your best friend hiding in your office as you work, sweetheart).  Clearly, she’s in way over her head, and it becomes clear that it was not such a great move for Chuck to choose Barbie over brains.  Luckily he came to his senses just in time and Blair was back in the game, backstabbing Serena in the process.  Ergo, Chuck’s prohibition era party (essentially an excuse for the wardrobe department to have some fun with hats and flapper dresses) got closed down by the authorities, obviously making it SO legendary Perez Hilton cried because he wasn’t there.  rufushumphrey

For lighter comedy we had Dan at his ultimate awkward best, variously freaking out when Olivia gets papped with her hand in the condom jar and because he finally watched her lame Twilight copy film and saw the chemistry between Lizzie McGuire and her Robert Pattinson knock-off ex.   We also learnt Rufus is a GREAT BIG HALLOWEEN GEEK, right down to the fetching wig he wore as part of his Ramones costume.  But Rufus is not in Brooklyn anymore, and apparently trick or treating doesn’t happen in swanky NYC apartment blocks.  So in true Lily style, she hires three kids to pose as trick or treaters, coming round several times in different costumes (including a freakishly good Lady Gaga outfit).  Rufus wasn’t fooled, but it made for a very touching moment.  Only in the GG world is paying child actors to cheer up your new (sixth?) husband what amounts to true love. 

Why so implausible?  Well, for starters, WHAT is with everyone going to the same party always.  Thank you Rufus, for stating the obvious point that troubles all GG watchers – and for that matter OC watchers – there is nothing classy (or cool) about going to a party with your parents.  In no reality after barmitzvah age does that happen, and just because the actors are all in the mid twenties does not mean it should. 

And for that matter, WHY are Jenny and her minions going to this prohibition party?  Aren’t they like, eleven.  Just because you wear drag queen make up doesn’t make it legal.  In fact, how does an eighteen year old get a liquor license in super-strict over 21-years only Manhattan.  I’ve been out in the city, and they ID.  So ridiculous. 

As for Serena’s supposed job – much to comment on, from the fact that she has apparently been delivering James Franco’s underwear, or best of all that she is now dating someone (Olivia’s Z list ex) for work.  Hmmm. 

In most places, they call that something a little different…

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