Gossip Girl: The Last Days of Disco Stick

The author James Frey was apparently the inspiration for this week’s offering, as the lives of all our Gossip Girls and Guys came shattering down into a million little pieces. 

 That was not before a guest-appearance from NYU alum Ga Ga.  As in Lady, in case Blair was wondering, not the first lady of Iran.  (Though wouldn’t that brighten up Middle Eastern politics…)!

 To sum up: following on from last week’s, ahem, shenanigans between Dan, Olivia and Vanessa, life in the NYU dorms was getting awkward.  Nate, in his new role as everyone’s favourite teenage therapist, promptly put pay to Dan’s illusion that a threesome with his current celebrity flame and his infatuated life BFF was a GOOD IDEA.

 For reasons frankly too convoluted and yawn-worthy to explain, the threesome (and Blair) ended up working on a theatre production together.  After a day of bickering, things came to a head when Olivia outed Vanessa’s romantic feelings towards Dan, as discerned by her during the aforementioned shenanigans.

 In fact, she had it wrong.  Vanessa was, typically, far more interested in a pretentious drama student (and I’d argue only has eyes for Rufus H anyway).  But as it turned out, Dan was now seeing Vanessa in a new, romantic light.  And so the Dan-Olivia romance came smashing to the floor, with her off to concentrate on shooting the appalling sounding ‘Bitches of Eastwick’ far, far away from the GG shores. 

 While this was going down, Jenny was out playing tour guide to a sultry Belgian boy (school Jenny? No?).  Yet as is so often the case with the sexy European characters dreamed up by American writers who don’t own passports, all was not what it seemed.  Mr Belgium was busy exploiting diplomatic channels for a lucrative drug dealing business, which both scared and thrilled little J no end. 

 Chuck, however, was having none of it and came to take Jenny out of harms way.  Isn’t it amusing how he has morphed from her almost date-rapist, to her sort-of-brother, to her white knight, in three short series? 

Character continuity is evidently not a focus in the GG writers room. 

 As for Serena van-der Lewinsky.  Where to start?  Well she tried her damned hardest to stop Tripping over (get it) but blondie has never been very good at not doing stupid things.  By episodes end Tripp had found out the shattering truth that his wife was behind the election-day set up, and was seeking (and finding) solace in Serena’s arms.

 Not before Nate had declared his unrequited love for Serena.  Now that his role in Tripp’s campaign for Congress was finished, and because he apparently doesn’t actually spend ANY time at Colombia, Mr Archibald has had time to think about his life.

 But, possibly because he isn’t yet able to think for more than five-minute periods, Nate’s decided he’s lonely.  He wants a girlfriend.  Any girlfriend.  He wants Serena, but it seems mainly because she’s the only girl he has seen all day. 

Probably if Blair, Vanessa or Jenny, hell even Dorota, had come to see him he’d be lusting after them instead.

 In the GG ranks, this was mid-level.  Too many plot strands that came out of nowhere (hello, as if Blair would ever be desperate enough to hang out with drama geeks – hasn’t she seen how uncool they always are in cringy American sitcoms?).

 Still some nice moments.  Jenny would read NYLON magazine (uber trendy NYC teen girl rag) and Dan would so do a celebratory, I’m so cool, street jig in memory of last nights steamy goings on.  Though for a far superior morning after dance, check out Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Bollywood style number in the fabulous 500 Days of Summer.

 And some corkers of lines, not least when Dan pays homage to his awesome mathamtical skills.  “Two girls. Four boobs. One Dan Humphrey,” he gloated. 

 A* for effort, Gossip Girl.

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