Buffy the Gossip Girl Slayer

This week; what if Gossip Girl met Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

Two shows which, in their time, captivated teen audiences. Before there was Twilight and Tru Blood, there was Angel, Spike and all the other bloodsuckers over in Sunnydale.

 Some GG fans may not even remember the show, although a rumoured movie could change that, but long before Blair and co made high school a living hell, Buffy, Willow and the rest were taking classes in a rather more literal one.  

So, would it be a match made in heaven or the hellmouth?

And who would the slayer of Upper East Side would be? There are a few contenders for the role, to be sure.

Only Blair Waldorf could match Buffy Summers for the ability to make a sarcastic but brilliant quip while (figuratively) stabbing someone in the back (or staking them through the heart).

 But, well, problem – Buffy was the good one, fighting the sources of all evil, saving the world, that sorta thing. Blair would probably have aligned herself with the baddies.

 After all, you can’t very well slay the undead all night AND get your beauty sleep. 

Or at the very least, she’d have allied herself with the original queen of high school mean; Cordelia Chase. Queen C’s and B’s could have bullied, blackmailed and bitched their way through endless series of the show. So Serena then? Yes, except that blondie isn’t smart enough and would have got bitten before the title credits rolled. She wouldn’t have got the difference between going out for dinner with a pale bloke, and being his dinner.

Jenny? Not with that make-up, the vampires would think she was one of them?      

Blair would SO not approve of the outfits

No, it would be left to Vanessa, ever the champion of the underdog. V has alienation and disaffection down pat. And she’s from Brooklyn, too. Which in the GG universe means she’s completely street, hard, a tough cookie. She would totally be able to pull a few punches. 

Or at the very least, annoy the undead into leaving.     

Giles’ shoes are easier to fill. Substitute friendly librarian to friendly neighbourhood former rock star and you’ve got a watcher for the twenty-first century, ready with sage advice whenever necessary. Although unlike Giles, he’d have much better love interests.    

And as for the love interests; any true Buffy fan will recall there were three men in her life; Angel (brooding vampire with soul), Riley (GI Joe wannabe) and Spike (Vampire without soul).  

For Dan read Angel? For Nate read Riley? Not convinced.

Still, it’s safe to say that Chuck and Spike are cut from the same cloth. Suave, supercilious exterior, with heart of gold somewhere deep down. And as of the latest GG episode, both are haunted by visions of dead loved ones. But Spike ultimately finds redemption. Will Chuck?  

One thing’s for sure. If the vampires and demons ever made it to Manhattan, they’d need a makeover.


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