Gossip Girl recap: Easy J

Last time we saw little Jenny Humphrey, she had wrecked Blair and Chuck’s relationship and was being shunted out of New York city faster than you can say “bad hair extensions”. The good news is, unless they kill you off on teen TV (maybe even then) there’s always the chance to come back.

In an episode perfectly timed for Halloween, Little J and her ludicrous witchy eyes are back in town and haunting Blair’s dreams. Blair, because hello, she totally rules Manhattan, banishes the blonde menace, but gives her a stay of execution until midnight. Plenty of time for Jenny to wreak havoc, which she does splendidly. Well, actually, Chuck does, as part of his convoluted Blair takedown project, by making her dress collection a cheerleading sign for moral turpitude.

Ultimately it backfires – Jenny dashes back to Hudson, because apparently she only has a soul when she’s by the river. Blair and Chuck have a touching “all we have left” tete-a-tete, set wonderfully to the domestic-violence infused tones of Rihanna and Eminem. Adorable.

 Meanwhile, Blair discovers that Serena has “showed” (taxi guy). “We just talked”, protests Serena.

 Yes sweetheart, we all know what a legendary reputation you have around the city for “talking”.

 But in very Serena twist of fate, it  turns out she’s managed to “talk” to her professor before term begins. Taxi man is actually teacher. But, of the nonsensical course “the psychology of business”, which means he’s allowed to “talk” to his students as part of a clever educational device.

 So, naturally, Serena agrees to accompany him to a partaaay, with her educational devices on most-prominent display. Lily realises her darling daughter isn’t quite as focused on college as she had (rather naively) dreamed and reverse-psychologies Serena right into dumping the dude (until term ends, anyway).

 Thing is, haven’t we been here before? I know all teen dramas are effectively one recycled entity with ever-changing hair, but come on. Remember Teacher Rachel and Dan. Or Serena van der Lewinsky last season?

Er, been there, “talked” about it.

But actually, improper teacher-student shenanigans may be the least of her problems, since it emerges that taxi-man is in cahoots with Nate’s stalker blonde. Their romance appears to be on the rocks, as a dismayed Nate wails to Dan about why Juliette isn’t cool with skipping class.

 Obviously, in Nate’s money-can-buy-success, brains are just ear-space-fillers and books for putting drinks on world, the fact that a student might actually want to GRADUATE doesn’t cross his mind.

 Now, Archibald, some people can’t rely on their dimples. Some people have to stu…Oh, look, why do I bother? He’s never going to understand.

 Turns out though, she really doesn’t want to go to class. Remember Nate’s white collar criminal dad? Well, in a “s*** we need a strange coincydinc to bring those two together” plot twist, Nate has suddenly remembered his existence, and runs into Juliette outside jail. Her puppetmaster Ben is inside, and sends a charming message to remind Juliette not to get too close to Nate via a black eye for Archibald senior.

 Essentially, light on the reality, but heavy on the intrigue. Though if we don’t find out what’s up with Juliette et al soon, we might have to set “Ben” on Josh Schwartz for some answers.


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