Meh. That was my initial reaction to this week’s episode, which was, essentially, just another spin of the old “Serena the walking train wreck” waltzer. But hey. This is Gossip Girl, a show that is nothing if not fascinated by the meltdowns of the rich and glamorous.
Some time seems to have passed since the last episode. Blair is escaping to Paris for Thanksgiving (someone should remind her it’s not exactly a European holiday), Lily, Rufus and Eric are planning a Turkey family dinner and Dan and Vanessa are hanging out as friends again. Even Nate is preoccupied, intercepting his parents’ divorce papers. Clearly, the Gossip Gang have been busy.
But the question is, exactly how much time has passed? Because Serena is, well, in exactly the same position she was in at the close of Chuck’s shindig. That is, kidnapped by stalker blonde.
“I don’t know where I am or how I got here,” she yelps to the policeman, failing to mention that the sentence pretty much sums up her teenage years.
Actually, she’s not still kidnapped. She’s in hospital, or, specifically, a mysterious place with no information and a direct line to a seedy motel in Queens.
It seems drugs were involved. “Drugs and a cheap motel, queries Dan. “That doesn’t sound like Serena.” He’s spot on. A cheap motel? Not likely.
Even when Serena is spiralling into disarray, she does it in five star luxury.
And on the news. Someone leaks it to the press and, since the obious solution to a paparazzi swarm is to book your daughter into a phyciatric centre, stat, (incidentally the one her gay brother resided in after his overdose), Serena is carted off to the Ostroff Centre.
Jenni, who still has the last dregs of the soul, confronts Juliette with a view towards coming clean about the whole plot. But before she can do that Vanessa double crosses her and lays all the blame on Little J. The look of surprise on Rufus’ face at her deviant behaviour is a timely reminder of the short memories on this show.
But before the shit can hit the Upper East Side, Loved-up Dan jailbreaks his step sister to take her on vacation. It doesn’t work, and ultimately Serena gives in to her own incarceration.
Meanwhile Jenny decides if she’s going down, the other two witches are coming with her, and goes to Blair with the truth. Its her final move – Little J exits the chessboard (amidst rumours of on-set tantrums) leaving Blair to contemplate frontier justice with Dan and Vanessa running for the hippies. Yay.
Oh, and despite the fact that everyone else Serena has ever met is at the hospital, Nate is preoccupied with the break-up of the Archibald union. Frankly, I’m with Nate’s mum when he whines about how out of the blue the divorce is? Hello? Remember when your dad was heading off to hide out in (insert tropical destination) and abandon his family? Add in a few years in jail, and I’d say she’s got good reason. A heart-toheart with dimples change sher mind, but it’s likely to only be a short term stay of execution since it seems Mr A is planning a new life for himself. Looking forward to meeting teh skank Nate works through his daddy-abandonment issues with.