Gossip Girl recap: Empire of the Son

Oh, My, Gossip Girl.

They’ve done it, they’ve really done it. There’s no going back. Blair and Dan have locked lips. Things will never be the same again on the Upper East Side.

Whether or not Serena and Chuck walked in on the darling Dair clinch, (and my money is on not – they are going to draw this drama out for a good few more scenes at least) the basic balance of the Gossip Girl universe is no longer. Let’s refresh.

First, the boring stuff. Lily could be facing a spell in the pokey after confessing (valiantly, of course, to save Chuck’s empire – not because she has seen the error of her ways. As if) meaning Ben is off the hook, Rufus will be a house-husband without a wife at home and Daddy Van dW is back on the scene. His cryptic final comment to Rufus about CeeCee’s imminent arrival?

Basically rich person code for, this is gonna be one hell of a media shit storm, and you Mr Humphrey don’t even have the PR savvy of Charlie Sheen.

Theoretically, Lily’s confession means Serena is free to have her wicked way with the ex-con. Except, obviously, because there are now no obstacles in the way, she’d lost interest by the time he announced his departure to “open his eyes” and move on with his life, sans the blonde who screwed it up in the first place.

But I did enjoy the scene in the DA’s office when he and Lily waxed lyrical about Serena’s feelings for him.

Because, if you’re trying to wipe clean the record of a bloke accused of molesting a teenage student, you’d be totally open about their current relationship status.

And of course, now Ben is bye bye we’ve got time for Serena to be chock full of righteous indignation about Blair playing date the ex. She’ll get over it, but Chuck? Who has just learnt that his departed daddy wasn’t just a regular mendacious mastermind, but basically the guy Machiavelli got his theory of power from.

Reckon it’ll take him a little while to adjust to Blair and Dan “Brooklyn leper” Humphrey (you can just hear him, sneering it), so guess we’ve got an infamous Bass breakdown to look forwards to.

In other news, Nate’s role has basically been reduced to a) looking cute with dimples and b) looking pensive with dimples. Him with Raina is basically the equivalent of Hillary Clinton shacking up with one of the hotties of the Dolce and Gabbana ad campaign

I expect the relationship to implode when she realises he still thinks there’s a little man talking to you inside the television.

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