Gossip Girl recap: Jewel of Denial

So, I’m just going to put this out there, and I could be totally wrong. But my guess is that the letter Blair so dramatically discarded was actually telling her she wasn’t pregnant at all, and all that soul-searching, pouting and stomach-staring was for nothing.

As I said, I could be wrong. Either way, I hope the upshot of this teen pregnancy story is that Prince dull-as-dishwater runs away fast. Clearly, the writers aren’t going to get Blair and chuck back together too soon – it’s too easy – but this wimpy wannabe with the crap accent is hardly acceptable.

The best part about the Blair storyline – basically, agonising over whether the daddy was Chuck or Prince – was her farcical fight with Dan, on a catwalk no less. Dan’s champagne-dive was reminiscent of more than a few top OC moments.

Speaking of Mr Humphrey, turns out his novel won’t be doing a Primary Colours and staying by anonymous for too long. A collective of publishing megalomaniacs – including an agent he’s about an episode away from sleeping with – managed to play on his insufferable arrogance and get him to out himself.

Kudos, Dan, for strolling so languidly into one hell of a trap.

But before the Upper East Side burns with the “biting social satire” of Inside, it might well be set alight by Liz Hurley’s Spectator, aka Posh People’s Dirty Secrets.com.

I know that the Gossip Girl team like to stay timely, but Murdoch et al haven’t been accused of actually stealing people’s mobile phones, just hacking into them.

Nate, no matter how distracted he was by her cleavage and clear nymphomania, has better standards than that. Tut tut.

But then, the whole storyline is baffling; a “media baron” who fires her entire staff just so she can sleep with her intern?

Why not just send them out for pizza? Or get a hotel room? Or, hey, close the blinds?

Meanwhile, in the land of the blonde and privileged, Lily is out of house arrest (because, clearly, judges are convinced by washed-up rock stars moaning about having to go to society shindigs without their wives) and Fake-cousin is here to stay, having blackmailed her “mother” by playing her at her own game.

It’s amazing how Blair, with all of two lines of dialogue, could create this Machiavellian socialite out of someone we’re supposed to imagine was basically trailer trash until now. Even for la Waldorf, that’s damn impressive.

And then there’s Chuck. Who now has a dog. Oddly, the most realistic thing to happen in the whole episode.

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