Gossip Girl recap: G.G.

So Gossip Girl has turned 100. Congratulations, mazal tov, happy birthday. You look damn good for your age.

Or at least Georgina does, in that final-scene “reveal” showing her as the evil genius behind it all. I don’t buy it, for several reasons, the first being that the producers have said that they are planning at least another series. They’re not going to give away the Gossip Girl  identity before time – that would be like showing us “the Mother” in season three of How I Met Your Mother. No chance.

Likewise, dear old Sparks has been screwed by Gossip Girl in the past. Don’t tell me this was a five-year-long plot twist, and that all those past Georgie-scandals were fake outs. It was wrong on the end of Lost, and it won’t do now.

No, my theory is that since Nate killed the real Gossip Girl, Georgina’s found a devious way to impersonate her. Next week, I reckon we’ll see the real one wreak revenge.

But more importantly, next episode we will see the fall out from the predictable “Blair chose Dan over Chuck” twist. To cut a long wedding story short, she confessed her love to Chuck in the bridal room, it was caught on camera and then broadcast as Blair got close to saying “I Do”. The sap that is Louis the dull bought her apology – or so it seemed – but in a pretty good plot twist it turned out he was going to make his princess live in a loveless marriage so the media didn’t smell scandal.

Because, yeah, that worked so well for Charles and Diana.

A shame it took one of his (presumably) final episodes for the writers to give him anything resembling a backbone.

Anyway, his last dance confession sent Blair bolting into the arms of Dair (who, appropriately, looked more like the chauffeur than the socialite’s latest love interest). Cut disaster when lovestruck (delusional – hello, they are siblings!) Serena finds out. Yay.

Georgina’s return was predictable – so much so that she quipped about the gang’s annual reunion – but underused. Her snarky moments were with Rufus and Lily, not Chuck or Dan. It was always so enjoyable to watch her decimate Dan with a  withering stare.

As for Nate – poor, dateless Nate – ole dimples was quite perturbed to see his childhood sweetheart walk off into the sunset lit palace. At least until he found a new blonde to lust after. Pity that his waitress-from-the-wrong-side-of-the-tracks is actually the real Charlie Rhodes, meaning that he’ll soon be dating his ex girlfriend’s cousin and the woman a more recent ex impersonated for several months.

I can’t wait to see how an intellectual mastermind of Archibald’s stature digests all that information.

It was certainly a blockbuster episode, but it was a little bit lacklustre. Bring back old school Gossip Girl, with real schemes that Blair could be proud of, passive aggressive rivalry with Serena and hardcore mummy issues. Not to mention, why so little Dorota and why no classic Blair put-downs to the minions, dressed up so cutsey-like.

Either way, let’s hope episode 101 sees the return of bolshy bitchy manipulative Blair, instead of sappy bridezilla. Let’s see Dan remember why he hated Blair so much for so long – surely a Vanessa or Jenny cameo could do that? Let’s see Chuck get a storyline that doesn’t involve Blair or a canine, and let’s see Serena get rejected by a guy and have it stick.

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