Charlie Rhodes, meet the girl who has spent the last year pretending to be you, living your life, wearing your dresses, sipping your champers, smooching your men.
Twas Valentine’s Day on Gossip Girl and time for Ivy Dickens to meet her match.
Obviously, this had to happen at a party with everyone in attendance (except for Chuck, who was occupied getting acquainted with Dan’s “desperate single female on Valentine stereotype” literary agent.
Fake Charlie was in town, it emerged, because grandma CeeCee is on her deathbed. While I’d like to think FC has grown to care about her pretend grandmother, it’s a fair assumption that FC has been sitting around with dollar signs on her pupils looking at the will.
Anyway, she bumps into cater water Real Charlie, who is there because Nate has stalked her into working for him. If he wasn’t worth gazillions, the whole “buying off her boss and planning a party just to waitress” thing might be a little creepy, reminiscent of Juliette’s behaviour last season (the good-ish old days of Gossip Girl, before the writers got Kate Middletoned).
But it’s Nate, and she’s blonde, so meh. She’s his shiny toy of the moment. Resistance is futile to the dimpled one.
FC and RC meet and don’t give the game away, but it won’t be long (there’s a Facebook friend request and everything). I’m looking forward to the Carole-Lily showdown that will inevitably take place, particularly given how watered-down Blair and Serena’s latest frenemies tiff was.
The tiff was because, having gone to elaborate lengths (planting fake old marrieds to go “aaaw” at the sibling-lovers) to reunite Serena and Dan, Blair and Dan ended up locking lips in a manner that was decidedly not reminiscent of the high school days they were reliving at Nate’s bribe-a-date do.
Georgina, nasty, Machiavellian Georgina, has the whole thing on camera, but she’s got more dirt up her sleeves; namely the pre-nup that states Blair will lose everything if the royal romance implodes.
While Georgina’s return has been enjoyable – finally, some actual old-school scheming – she’s sort of sleepwalking through the deviousness.
Let’s hope a tragic divorce is enough to bring back the bitchy Blair of high school days.